Cesarean Blues

Baby in belly is due November 28, but we'll have a c-section the week before. There are a few reasons why baby is being delivered this way:
1. The first time around baby/ body didn't quite cooperate so chances are second time around will be the same.
2. It's been too soon since last baby born so risk for complications would be greater.
3. Most doctors won't perform a VBAC (vaginal birth after Cesarean).

I feel like each time I tell someone our due date, I have to add the little disclaimer: *but I'm having a c-section the week before so..."

I asked my doctor if there was any chance at all that I could have a regular delivery. She said unless I show up in full labor and dilated to about an 8, then there's no way I'd have a regular delivery.

Before I had Tucker, I couldn't understand why everyone didn't have c-sections. I mean, you can schedule the exact day you want your baby to be born. There's no being in labor for hours and hours on end. There's no screaming and cussing out your poor hubby. There's no fainting hubby. There's no pushing out something the size of a watermelon. So many benefits - right?

But when I found out I was having a c-section with Tucker, I cried and cried. First of all, I was scared to death. I had never had any sort of surgery and I knew what the number one risk with any surgery is - death.

And secondly, having a baby the "regular" way is what I'm supposed to do. This is why my body is the way it is - why girls have babies and boys don't. It's the fundamental reason why God made girls the way he did.

I find myself getting upset at the fact that I'll never have baby the way God intended me to. How weird is it that humans are the only animals on the planet that sometimes have their babies cut out of them?

I consulted my sister about this - also a 2-time c-section mom and she knew exactly how I felt! I feel like a little less of a woman.

It's funny that I sometimes find myself saying - when comparing someone else's pain -"Oh yeah? Try giving bir - oh wait - try having routine surgery with a local anesthetic, an epidural, a Demerol drip and feeling absolutely no pain whatsoever! Yeah! Take that!"

But maybe I do know a little something about pain that others don't. I know what it feels like to try to walk after a c-section then giving up after a 1/2 inch shuffle from my bed. I know what a clogged mammary duct feels like. I know what a "bad latch" feels like. I know what it feels like when a toddler stands on just the right spot on my scar. Yowza!

So now the only mystery left is what day and time my surgery will be. There will be no rushing around to get to the hospital. There will be no counting between contractions. There will be no focussed breathing or screaming at Alec "This is all your fault!". There will be no need for our family to sit for hours waiting and waiting.

There will only be a baby with a perfectly round head and beautiful color.