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Thursday, December 30, 2010

Postpartum Not So Pretty

It's inevitable, the glowing of pregnancy has morphed into the grossness of postpartum.

The glowing has turned into dry skin speckled with blemishes.

The cute little round belly is now a big half deflated spare tire around my midsection.

The "ohmygosh it's gonna pop" belly button is now a smooshy gaping hole.

And that line down my belly - it seems to grow darker every day.

The thick lustrous hair...well, I still have that. But soon it'll start falling out like a sheepdog shedding in July - or better yet, like our furkid Mango (seriously, how does this dog lose that much hair?!?).

Every night I wake up (several time thanks to my ever starving child) in a pool of sweat - completely soaked from head to toe.

Gotta love raging out of whack hormones! I'm ready to be normal again!

Thursday, December 23, 2010

Don't Blink

This is one of those blogs that I've been meaning to write for a few weeks now but have put it off again and again. I'm hoping that with this post, I'll find peace and maybe a bit of acceptance and closure.



There's a song by Kenny Chesney called "Don't Blink" that tells us to cherish every moment because life passes us by so quickly - if you blink, you may just miss it! This song always reminded me of my sweet baby Tucker and how fast he's growing. I can't believe he's already 20 months old and has experienced so many of life's "firsts".


A few weeks ago, my grandma suddenly became very ill and this song took on a whole different perspective for me.


Towards the end of my pregnancy with Thatcher, I decided it was time to go back home to Wynona and visit my mom and grandparents. I hadn't seen them for a few months and I knew my time to travel was diminishing with each passing week of my pregnancy. On the Saturday before Halloween, I told Alec that I needed to go visit so we loaded up Tucker and headed to Wynona.


We visited my mom then stopped by my grandparents house. Grandma had made a fresh batch of brownies which I inhaled (one last pregnant hoorah!) Wynona was trick or treating that night so we sat on the front porch while Grandma and Grandpa passed out candy. Grandma had made up treat bags to pass out - she always went a little above and beyond with her generosity! But then again, she was picking out the good Tootsie Rolls to keep and enjoy later!


We left that evening with the idea that the next time we'd see my grandparents, I'd have a new little great-grandson for them to meet! Little did we know, how fast things would change with the next "blink."


The following Friday, my mom called to let me know my Grandma had gotten sick and was in the hospital. The diagnosis was something wrong with her liver - maybe jaundice. Alec and I went to visit Grandma on Saturday (just 1 week since we'd last seen her) and she was in good spirits. We talked about my pregnancy and she assured everyone she felt fine. Did she really feel fine? She wasn't one to complain or worry anyone so we'll never know.


On Sunday after more tests, the doctors found a spot on Grandma's intestines. She was set for surgery on Tuesday. Our family filled the waiting room on the day of surgery and we were prepared to stay as long as we needed to. The surgery didn't take as long as we thought. The doctor found cancer in my grandma's pancreas, liver and intestines. There wasn't much they could do. Grandma was given 6 weeks - 6 months to live. I never wanted to blink again.


During this entire time - from the time I found out Grandma was sick until the day of the surgery - I kept playing "Don't Blink" over and over in my head. I clung to my family and leaned on them for support. We were told that my sweet Grandma - who was so strong and vivacious just a few days earlier - was now very very sick. Everyone kept reminding me that she was 85 and she may not be able to bounce back. But my Grandma was no regular old grandma! She was full of life and had never been sick or had anything wrong with her! I didn't care that she was 85! My Grandma was supposed to be around for at least 10 more years - at least long enough to see my boys grow up - at least long enough meet her new great-grandson!


When Grandpa and I went to see Grandma in the ICU after surgery, he said he didn't think she'd pull out of this - that this could really be the end. I told him we just have to have faith and everything is out of our hands now. The constant playing of "Don't Blink" changed to "Have a Little Faith." I don't even know the words to that song, but I just kept playing over and over in my head "Have a little faith in me..." For some reason, I thought if I stayed optimistic and put all my faith in the right hands, my grandma would pull through.


After Grandma's surgery, I visited her in the hospital as often as I could. I went to see her during my lunch breaks and in the evenings. The Sunday after her surgery - just 2 weeks after we had last seen her so full of life in Wynona - we took Tucker to see Grandma. We were sure he'd lift her spirits and I made a special card for her from Tucker. Grandma had taken a turn for the worse the night before and wasn't awake when we visited. She had emergency surgery that night.

The next day, on Monday - just 16 days after our Wynona visit - we lost our sweet grandma. "Don't Blink" returned.


I'm not sad by time not spent with my Grandma. I have a thousand memories from the time I did spend with her. I'm sad my boys will never know this amazing person. They'll never understand why their mama thinks it's important to make homemade jam and to sit down at the dinner table each night. They'll think it's silly that their mama has to kiss daddy every morning, every night and every other chance she gets. They'll get tired of how many times she says "I love you" to them. But these are just a few of the thousands of things I got from my grandma that I hope my boys will remember about me.

Now I'm trying to cherish each moment life offers and each crazy thing it throws our way. I want to make sure that with each blink, I have a thousand memories to last me until my next blink.

Thursday, December 2, 2010

World, Meet Thatcher!

Our sweet baby boy Thatcher surprised us and made his appearance a couple of days sooner than expected! Here's his story...

Because I had a c-section with our 19-month old Tucker, I was scheduled for another c-section for our second baby. I had received a form letter in the mail - your "surgery" is scheduled for Monday, November 22. The idea of having another c-section had already upset me and this letter didn't help things. There was no drama or element of surprise with a scheduled c-section. Never would I experience the craziness of rushing around to get to the hospital or trying to calm down a freaked out husband. Or so I thought...

Thatcher's birth story begins a few days before his birth. My dear sweet grandma had unexpectedly gotten very ill (blog about this to follow) and at our final OBGYN appointment on Monday, November 15, I spoke to my doctor about possibly rescheduling my c-section. I knew my grandma wouldn't be with us much longer and there was no way I would miss her service in case we lost her before our scheduled c-section. The doctor was very empathetic as she had lost her own grandma recently and she said we could reschedule as necessary. When we left the doctor's office, my step dad called to let me know they were taking grandma off of life support. We were just leaving the parking garage at the same hospital so we drove around the block then back to the hospital. I got to say my final good-bye to my sweet grandma while Thatcher kicked away in my belly. It was such a surreal moment.

Grandma's service was held on the following Thursday and I just kept telling baby that we just had to wait till Thursday. If he could give me that, I would be forever grateful! At my grandma's service, my niece Laney kept saying she wanted me to have the baby on Saturday so I could make it to Thanksgiving dinner the next week. All I cared about was paying my final respects to my grandma. If I could make it past that, then I was ready to have the baby at anytime.

On Friday, November 21, I rushed around at work to catch up from missing work when my grandma was sick and when I took off for her service and to get somewhat prepared to take some sort of maternity leave. When we got home from work that evening, Alec's parents took us out to eat but Tucker didn't feel well so we had to call it an early night.

Saturday I woke up feeling like a not-so-great mom. Whenever anyone in my family feels sick, I immediately want to clean and sanitize my house. So I started on the kitchen and I scrubbed it from top to bottom! I pretty much wore myself out and rested the rest of the afternoon. Later that afternoon, I went upstairs to finish up some work on the computer. Alec and Tucker came up and played while I worked.

Alec and I had tickets to see Brad Paisley at the BOK Center Saturday night and we went back and forth about going. I had told him several months before - if Brad Paisley ever comes to town, I want to go see him! I'm pretty sure Alec writes the songs Brad Paisley sings...I mean - all of those songs are about me - right?

Anyway, I was tired from my crazed nesting earlier that day and I was super swollen and huge. I was still on the computer trying to figure out parking around the BOK Center. I had total pregnant brain so Alec wanted on the computer to check things out. Before I stood up, I felt something weird. Later, a nurse asked if I heard a "pop" but I think maybe I felt it instead. When I stood up, holy cow, my water had broken! Alec sat down and I just stood there - frozen.

Me: Uhm...my water just broke
Alec: No it didn't. (I had been the "girl who cried water broke" for a few weeks now and he was on to me!)
Me: (pointing to the puddle on the floor) Yes it did.
Alec: Ok...Ok...Ok...HAHAHAHA!!! Ok...Are you ok? OK!
Me: What do I do?!?! What do I do?!?!
So I waddled off to the bathroom, sat on the toilet and started making phone calls. Alec called our doctor who told him I didn't have time for a shower - she didn't want me contracting and miss out on my c-section. We needed to get to the hospital ASAP.

I thought it was a little silly I couldn't shower so...I took a shower. I'm not sure what Alec was doing while I was showering and getting my stuff together. I think he fed the dogs and loaded up all sorts of stuff in the car. Then we were off to the hospital!

Alec drove fast, but very well :-), to the hospital. We may have been on 2 wheels during the entire 6-story climb to the maternity floor at the hospital, but we got there fast and in 1 piece.

Let me tell you something about when your water breaks - which only happens with 1 in 10 pregnancies. When it breaks, there's no stopping it. So while Alec was getting Tucker out of the car and in his stroller and grabbing all sorts of bags, I did the "I gotta pee" dance in the parking garage. Of course I didn't have to pee - I just had amniotic fluid pouring out all over the place.

The distance between the parking garage and the labor and delivery area is incredibly long and I kinda power walked/ jogged the whole way while trying to hold my knees together and carry my purse and overnight bag. Pretty.

My water broke around 4:00, we checked in around 4:30 and were in surgery by 5:45 - super fast...and dramatic!

We had told everyone about missing Brad Paisley so during surgery, someone turned on the radio and just as Thatcher made his appearance at 6:17 pm, Brad's song "Little Moments" came on the radio. How very fitting. Later, after Alec took Thatcher out to meet the world and I was getting put back together, "Hillbilly Bone" came on. Not sure how that works into the story but I thought it was pretty funny.

Thatcher Rippy Davis officially joined the family at 6:17pm on Saturday, November 20, 2010 (our 2 1/2 year anniversary). He weighed 7lbs, 7 oz and was 21 3/4 inches long. I was surprised at his weight because when they delivered him, the doctors and nurses were amazed at how big he was and said he'd be a football player and that I better be glad I had him by c-section.

I finally made it to recovery and after the nurse scooted everyone but Alec and my boys out of the room, we sang Happy Birthday to Thatcher and he nursed for the first time. Such a sweet moment.

And so now here we are. Alec is back at work. Tucker is back in school. And Thatcher and I are trying to figure things out. He's such a sweet baby! He squeaks and grunts a lot and I pretty much have to strip him down to wake him up to eat, but we'll get it all worked out.

After the roller coaster of emotions I've had over the past few weeks, I'm just trying to cherish every little moment.