Pages

 Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker
 Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker

Sunday, June 26, 2016

ADHD

I began this post about a month ago and went back and forth about posting it. Do I really want to put all of this out there? Do I want the world to know about our daily struggles? This blog was meant to be fun and a glimpse of our lives as newlyweds, then first time parents, then parents of two. But this is part of our story. This is about something that I struggle to understand. Through telling this part of our story, I hope to find peace and understanding as well as educate others about a very real issue for so many families.  

Tucker has ADHD. I thought all we needed to do was find the right medicine (which we did) that would give him the focus he needed in school (which it does). I was wrong. ADHD is more than that - much more.

During the last week of school, Tucker's class participated in Beach Day at their school. When it was time for lunch, the kids all ate together in the gym on beach towels or butcher paper. I noticed Tucker was sitting by himself. I asked why he wasn't sitting with other kids, he said he didn't have any friends. I pointed to various groups of kids and mentioned the names of some of the kids I knew, but Tucker said they didn't like him. I sat with him during lunch and tried my best to lift his spirits. After lunch, the kids had popsicles. I helped the other moms until I noticed Tucker crouched down at the side of the gym. I knelt beside him and asked him what was wrong. He was crying and repeated that he didn't have any friends. I hugged him tight and, through my own tears, tried to reassure him that he did. Though I knew in my heart, he really didn't have any close friends.

Once I got home, I started thinking about Tucker and his friends. I couldn't remember the last birthday party of a classmate he was invited to. I thought about how we invited 25 kids to his last birthday party in hopes that at least 10 would show up. I remembered a boy at church tell his mom he didn't like Tucker. I laughed it off at the time, but now it added to my heavy heart. I thought about the times Tucker has not gotten along with the neighborhood kids and came home saying some of the kids told him they hated him. I thought about how I tried and tried to figure out who Tucker could invite over for a play date, but couldn't think of anyone he mentioned as a best friend. This wasn't acceptable. How do I have so many adults (teachers, parents, church leaders) tell me how amazing Tucker is, but he doesn't have any close friends?!?

So I got books. I started reading / researching. I realized how much more ADHD is than not being able to focus and having impulsive behavior. The medicine Tucker is on is just a band-aid. It's just patching up the problem, but not really helping Tucker with the bigger issues and and struggles he faces each day.

The more I read, the more frustrated I became. Frustrated with myself. With Thatcher's peanut allergy, we read every label of everything he puts in his mouth. We grill restaurant managers about what type of oil they use and risks of cross contamination. We have informed every person on our street and every adult he interacts with of his allergy. We always have a back-up for every meal, party, or play date he's invited to. But with Tucker, we give him a pill and...that's it.

Since Tucker's diagnosis with ADHD in Kindergarten, I think I've been trough just about every emotion possible. I was in total denial at first. I remember Alec and I comparing our evaluations we had to fill out as part of the diagnosis. We had to compromise and come up with one evaluation to give our pediatrician. It really forced me to open my eyes to Tucker's behavior. I remember the guilt and shame I felt once he was diagnosed and learned that most of his behavior was beyond his control. Every time he would get a bad mark in his behavior folder, we would gripe and yell at him all the way home, hold things from him (toys, screens, etc.), and sometimes ground him to his room.

I don't want anyone to feel sorry for us or for Tucker. No. Instead, I want parents to teach their children through their own actions how to be tolerant and accepting of others. I want kids to know some differences aren't visible and that our differences are what make us unique and special. I want to teach my own kids how to be in control of their behavior and how they react and respond to others.

I almost feel like we are starting over on how we approach parenting. We have so much to learn, and it's going to take a lot of time and energy, but it's all worth it. Because this kid is amazing, bright, compassionate, funny and kind, and one day he's going to conquer the world.


 o