Sans Meds

Tucker has been off of his ADHD medicine for a week now. The last medicine he was taking was Adderall (which Alec had nicknamed "Madderall"). During the last few weeks, Tucker had numerous meltdowns at school and home. He had become increasingly aggressive,angry, and defiant. No one could pinpoint his triggers so we constantly walked on eggshells as to not "poke the bear" - a term Tucker had heard about himself and had begun using as justification for his behavior.

Tucker had begun coming to my classroom as an escape. The last time he came, he was followed by our school counselor and one of our special ed. teachers. We eventually got Tucker out of my room into the hall where he crawled under a table and growled at us, refusing to get up. I hugged him and told him jokes which made him laugh (I'm hilarious!), but he still wouldn't get up. A class was out in the hall taking a restroom break and my heart was breaking for my boy. Eventually, I went back into my room and let those who are educated, trained, and experienced in taking care of students in this situation, take care of my sweet Tucker.

That situation (and a come-to-Jesus talk) finally opened my eyes. My coworkers, friends, and family, really do want the best for Tucker and our family. I need to let go and let those around us - our village - help us take care of him. Since that day, I felt a weight off my shoulders. I knew Tucker was in the best hands at our school. He still had meltdowns, but he didn't come to my room again. The amazing team at my school did their jobs and took care of us.

Just before break, I met with my principal and our school psychologist. They asked me how Tucker was as a baby and growing up. Oh man. Can I just tell you about this kid? He was the best baby! In fact, he made parenting look so easy that we had another right away! The thing is, he always was and still is, so smart, funny, compassionate, silly, and sweet. It's just something had gotten in the way of his true self. We got to see our real boy just before bedtime when we played games or colored then snuggled, read books, and told jokes.

My principal asked - what if Tucker doesn't take the medicine? Well we tried that a couple of weeks ago and...let's just say - I promised his teacher to never take him off of it again! But the thing is, he was only off the medicine for 3 days. Maybe he needed to be off of it longer to work itself out of his system.

So being the wise parents we are, we took him off of his medicine 3 days before Christmas! And guess what? He was pretty wired and bouncing off the walls, but he wasn't angry. If he didn't get his way, he was quick to recover. He didn't have meltdowns that would last hours. The word "hate" was rarely heard.

And he began eating. He ate like he couldn't stop. He was so hungry and we let him eat anything and everything he wanted. When I asked if he wanted breakfast or lunch or a snack, the answer was always "yes"! His appetite was back!

Tucker's true self has been shining through more and more each day. Sure he still has moments of defiance, but not anywhere near what he had before, and his anger and aggression have subsided quite a bit. He hasn't had to sit still and focus very long so we still need to have conversations and make a decision about how to proceed once school starts.

So what now? A dear friend of ours gave us the name of a new child psychologist who we'll be seeing in a couple of weeks. Of course, Tucker has a new medicine to try (Concerta), but the pill has to be swallowed whole which has led to an enormous amount of frustration, anger, and hopelessness. But I'm not convinced the answer is in another pill. We've put so much hope and faith into every pill he's taken over the last 2 years only to be discouraged and disappointed over and over. With each pill, we just keep losing our boy, and we just want our smart, funny, compassionate, silly, and sweet boy back, for good.

Struggles and Frustrations

Lately, I've been thinking about the movie Terms of Endearment. More specifically, I've been thinking about the scene when Shirley MacLaine is running around the hospital yelling "GIVE MY DAUGHTER THE SHOT!".  I feel like I'm yelling but no one is listening. No one is helping. No one is fighting as hard for my son as I am. The catch is, I don't know how to fight. In my head I'm screaming, but nothing is coming out of my mouth except pure frustration.

Tucker is struggling. We thought going to a new school would give him a fresh start to let his personality shine and to make new friends. Our plan is backfiring - big time. What's going on? Is it his ADHD? Is he consciously being defiant? Is he sabotaging our efforts so he can go back to his old school? Is there something else? If so, how do we figure out what it is?

Tucker's pediatrician has prescribed 6 different medications in the 2 years since Tucker was diagnosed with ADHD. Oh that one's not working? Try this pill. Oops, let's try this one now. Let's change the dosage. Try giving it to him a little earlier. Here's another pill he can take in case he needs more focus in the evenings. Ask me how I feel about pills. Not a fan. At all. When Tucker was diagnosed with ADHD, I asked about diet or anything else that may help him, but our pediatrician was sure the only direction to go was with medication. 

After the 3rd or 4th pill or dosage change didn't work, we were referred to a child psychologist. Apparently this is the best child psychologist in town because we are on a cancellation list. The first available appointment is 3 months out. Always. So when his office calls with a cancellation, we take it. We pull Tucker out of school, miss work, alter our schedule so we can squeeze Tucker in for his 1 hour appointment.  And the appointments consist of the boys playing with toys, us chatting a little with the doctor, then Tucker playing Clue with the doctor for the rest of the time. Tucker has gone maybe 6-7 times and the only change we've seen is that he kinda knows how to play Clue now. 

Shouldn't there be more? Shouldn't there be something between pills and playing Clue? Shouldn't we be given some sort of literature on ADHD,  information for a support group, or suggestions on coping skills and tools? Shouldn't someone help us with Tucker's diet, screen time, homework, and social skills?

I'm screaming inside my head. I feel like I'm failing my child. I love him hard - hugs, kisses, "I love you's" a hundred times every day even when he's screaming how much he hates me, how awful of a mother I am, and how he's going to run away. I try so hard to be patient and speak kindly to him when so many others in his day do not. I ignore the kids who tell me how horrible my son was in class today. I know I should say something, but the mama bear in me makes me bite my tongue to keep from saying what I really want to say. 

So we Google. We manage. We pray. We start each day with hope that today will be a good day. We end each day trying to figure out the triggers to what went wrong. We sleep restlessly as worry and hope battle it out in our hearts. And the frustrating and exhausting cycle starts again. 

ADHD

I began this post about a month ago and went back and forth about posting it. Do I really want to put all of this out there? Do I want the world to know about our daily struggles? This blog was meant to be fun and a glimpse of our lives as newlyweds, then first time parents, then parents of two. But this is part of our story. This is about something that I struggle to understand. Through telling this part of our story, I hope to find peace and understanding as well as educate others about a very real issue for so many families.  

Tucker has ADHD. I thought all we needed to do was find the right medicine (which we did) that would give him the focus he needed in school (which it does). I was wrong. ADHD is more than that - much more.

During the last week of school, Tucker's class participated in Beach Day at their school. When it was time for lunch, the kids all ate together in the gym on beach towels or butcher paper. I noticed Tucker was sitting by himself. I asked why he wasn't sitting with other kids, he said he didn't have any friends. I pointed to various groups of kids and mentioned the names of some of the kids I knew, but Tucker said they didn't like him. I sat with him during lunch and tried my best to lift his spirits. After lunch, the kids had popsicles. I helped the other moms until I noticed Tucker crouched down at the side of the gym. I knelt beside him and asked him what was wrong. He was crying and repeated that he didn't have any friends. I hugged him tight and, through my own tears, tried to reassure him that he did. Though I knew in my heart, he really didn't have any close friends.

Once I got home, I started thinking about Tucker and his friends. I couldn't remember the last birthday party of a classmate he was invited to. I thought about how we invited 25 kids to his last birthday party in hopes that at least 10 would show up. I remembered a boy at church tell his mom he didn't like Tucker. I laughed it off at the time, but now it added to my heavy heart. I thought about the times Tucker has not gotten along with the neighborhood kids and came home saying some of the kids told him they hated him. I thought about how I tried and tried to figure out who Tucker could invite over for a play date, but couldn't think of anyone he mentioned as a best friend. This wasn't acceptable. How do I have so many adults (teachers, parents, church leaders) tell me how amazing Tucker is, but he doesn't have any close friends?!?

So I got books. I started reading / researching. I realized how much more ADHD is than not being able to focus and having impulsive behavior. The medicine Tucker is on is just a band-aid. It's just patching up the problem, but not really helping Tucker with the bigger issues and and struggles he faces each day.

The more I read, the more frustrated I became. Frustrated with myself. With Thatcher's peanut allergy, we read every label of everything he puts in his mouth. We grill restaurant managers about what type of oil they use and risks of cross contamination. We have informed every person on our street and every adult he interacts with of his allergy. We always have a back-up for every meal, party, or play date he's invited to. But with Tucker, we give him a pill and...that's it.

Since Tucker's diagnosis with ADHD in Kindergarten, I think I've been trough just about every emotion possible. I was in total denial at first. I remember Alec and I comparing our evaluations we had to fill out as part of the diagnosis. We had to compromise and come up with one evaluation to give our pediatrician. It really forced me to open my eyes to Tucker's behavior. I remember the guilt and shame I felt once he was diagnosed and learned that most of his behavior was beyond his control. Every time he would get a bad mark in his behavior folder, we would gripe and yell at him all the way home, hold things from him (toys, screens, etc.), and sometimes ground him to his room.

I don't want anyone to feel sorry for us or for Tucker. No. Instead, I want parents to teach their children through their own actions how to be tolerant and accepting of others. I want kids to know some differences aren't visible and that our differences are what make us unique and special. I want to teach my own kids how to be in control of their behavior and how they react and respond to others.

I almost feel like we are starting over on how we approach parenting. We have so much to learn, and it's going to take a lot of time and energy, but it's all worth it. Because this kid is amazing, bright, compassionate, funny and kind, and one day he's going to conquer the world.

 o

How Can You be Six?!?

Sweet Boy-

Time is moving way too fast! How can you be six already?!? You are the absolute light of our lives. You are so smart and funny. You have a kind heart, curious mind, and sweet spirit. 

You love Power Rangers, Legos, Pokemon, and Minecraft. Hearing you sing along to your VBS CDs always makes us smile. Oh and you love the Muppets Christmas CD - especially "Christmas is Coming". 

You like riding your Big Wheel and sometimes your bicycle (we'll work on that this summer!). You like playing with the neighborhood kids and sometimes Thatcher. 

Your favorite food is baked beans and watermelon :-) 

You love books, and reading at bedtime is one of your favorite things to do - it's one of ours too! You are such a good reader (currently at a level I!). I hope you always love reading, learning, wondering, and questioning. 

God has blessed us with such an amazing kid and we are so incredibly proud to be your parents. 

Happy birthday so the one who made us parents! We love you so so much!

Mom & Dad

To Our Sweet Four-Year-Old Thatcher

Thatcher Rippy Davis...such a big name for a little boy! I've been asked many times how we came up with your name. Well, I was trying to think of a strong name from literature, and my brainstorming led me to Catcher in the Rye. I know the main character is Holden but I got Thatcher from Catcher. Next you needed a middle name. Daddy and I thought of all our grandpas and Daddy's grandpa, Rippy Lee Rambo, stood out. Thatcher Rippy Davis. I pictured you at different times in your life and made sure the name fit you as a baby, as a little boy, as a teenager, as a man with a family of his own, and later when life slows down and you can reflect on your mark on this world. And of course since you're our second boy, I just had to nickname you Bubba.

And now Thatcher Rippy "Bubba" Davis, you are four-years-old! Every day you amaze us with new things you are learning (like your current reciting of the presidents!) and new little quirks in your personality. You still say and do so many things like Tucker but you're starting to grow into your own self. You've begun to show empathy and compassion for those around you. Except for Tucker. You always know how to get his goat! I hope these traits blossom and grow and lead you to a life of integrity, honesty, and sincerity.

You still say "sit by me" and you still want to hold my hand, and I hope you always want to do both! You're still a daddy's boy, but I've come to terms with that, and I'll take the snuggles when I can get them!

I love your wide feet and your very first freckle (on the side of your ring finger on your right hand). You have really great hair (Papa Bill even says so!) and the cutest face with the sweetest smile.

You've grown up so much this past year, but you'll always be our sweet baby boy.

We love you so so much,
Momma and Daddy

My Five-Year-Old

My sweet, Tucker Joe-

I can't believe you turned 5 today. That seems like such a milestone. You're no longer a toddler; you're a kid now. But you know what? I can still see my sweet baby when I look at you. Every once in a while, I can see what you'll look like when you're much older. But more often, I can see you as a baby. You have the same eyes and nose and forehead. And of course your toes - don't even get me started on those! You know which is my favorite toe, don't you? It's the second one from the right on your right foot - the little piggie that had none. I love how it curves in just a little to the left. I noticed that toe on the day you were born and I hoped it would always stay that way. 

You're so smart, Tucker. Your teacher tells me that all the time, but she doesn't have to. I know you are. You constantly amaze me with the things you say. And I love how much you love books and reading. Dad and I read to you before you were ever born and we've read to you just about every night since. 

And you know what? You told your first real joke tonight! You're always saying "I need to tell you a joke" then you make up some crazy joke that Dad and I don't quite get but tonight, you did it! Here's the joke:

You: Knock knock.

Me: Who's there?

You: Boo

Me: Boo who?

You: You don't have to cry, it's just a joke!

I love it! I love that your first real joke was a knock-knock joke (my favorite kind of joke). I have so many more to teach you!

Well Buddy, I hope 5 is all you hoped it would be and more. Ever since you turned 4, all you could talk about was how you couldn't wait to turn 5. I hope you have amazing adventures while you discover the world around you this year. Let's just not be too quick to wish to be 6. 

Thank you for making me a momma and for making me so proud to be yours. 

Love,

Mom

To Three Year Old Thatcher

Dear Bubba-

Today you turned 3 years old! Can you believe it? I can't! Some of my very favorite things about you are:

1. When you say "sit by me", I feel like the luckiest girl in the world. 

2. When we walk and you reach up and say "hold my hand".

3. When, just out of the blue, you tell me you love me. 

4. You copy EVERYTHING Tucker does and says, and I'm pretty sure most of the time you have no idea what you are doing or saying. 

5. When you first realize you're drinking chocolate milk and  you give me the sliest little smile and glance at me before saying "chockit mick".

6. At any mention of nuts or seeds, you immediately point out that you can't have either. 

7. You crawl around on the floor with your cars, trucks, trains - anything you can push around while making an engine sound. 

8. When you climb on top of Tucker and we tell you to get off of your brother, you say " but I love him!".

9. You are all boy - all rowdy, ornery, stinky, silly, sticky, sweet boy. 

10. You're our boy. 

Bubba I can't remember life before you and I don't want to. You will always be our sweet baby boy, and though you may be rough and rowdy, I hope you will always want me to sit by you and to hold your hand. 

Love,

Momma

Mother's Day

Sunday was Mother’s Day and though there was no big extravagant celebration, it was filled with perfect little moments that make me so happy to be a momma. 

My Mother’s Day actually began a couple of months ago when I fell in love with Darius Rucker’s version of “Wagon Wheel.” I told Alec above anything else, I would love for my boys to sing “Wagon Wheel” to me on Mother’s Day. After that night anytime we’d hear “Wagon Wheel” my boys would ask “Is that ‘Wagon Wheel’?” Hmmm…someone has been teaching these boys this song…

On Sunday, we were woken around 6:30 by the sound of little feet shuffling down the hallway. In comes our boys completely bright-eyed and bushytailed. They jumped on the bed and were super snuggly and sweet. Next I heard Mango the lab come into our room. I looked at Alec and asked “Is someone in our house?” I thought he had come up with some elaborate plan to have someone get the boys up and out of their rooms and let the dogs out so all my kiddos would wake me up for Mother’s Day. But that wasn’t the case. Tucker said he woke up because there was just a little bit of sun coming into his room. (Note to self: Install a spotlight with a timer outside TJs window to wake him up on time on school days) And apparently he knows how to open the gate in front of Thatcher’s door and broke him out. The gate in the kitchen must not have been latched all the way so lab Mango made a run for it once she saw the boys walk by. My only good kid, wienerdog Berman, stayed in his bed where he was supposed to be. He’s such a good boy! Regardless of how it all happened, it was a perfect start to my day.

The boys gave me the cards they made at school and some pretty little things they picked up at the jewelry store then it was off to church. I love the peace and serenity of sitting next to Alec in church and the pastoral prayer that morning was all about mommas. I was reminded for the millionth time how very blessed I am.  

After church, Alec’s parents and brothers came over for lunch. I’m not sure what made me think of it, but I thought this was the perfect occasion to use my Grandma’s dishes that I still had stashed away in the garage since I got them in November. I carefully washed each plate and let myself be transported back to a different time and place. My heart was full thinking of my grandma and how I’m a momma now.

After my in-laws had left, Alec had gone to the grocery store and the boys had laid down for naps, I gave myself a Mother’s Day gift of lying down on the couch for a minute. Tucker, finally used to not taking naps, came downstairs a few times to ask random silly questions – just trying to get me to let him stay downstairs. Each time I would answer him and tell him to go back upstairs and be quiet for a little bit. Finally, just when I was about to doze off, I heard Tucker come down the stairs but instead of coming all the way to the bottom, he stopped. Then, in the sweetest little voice in the world, I heard “Rock me momma like a wagon wheel; rock me momma anyway you feel; heeeeyyyy, momma rock me.” Hook. Line. Sinker. I got up, got my boy and we snuggled under my new quilt and watched cartoons until Alec came home.

When it was finally time to go to bed, I read Thatcher his new books that I had picked up at the library. After I read the last book, he ran to give Alec and Tucker goodnight kisses then ran back and jumped in bed. I pulled the covers up and tucked him in and gave him a kiss. He took his little finger and started tracing around my face saying “Momma” over and over. Now anyone who knows Thatcher knows he is a total and complete Daddy’s boy. I have succumbed to this and I’m (somewhat) at peace with this. So in this moment, when it was just my baby boy and me, I was captivated. I may have even been hypnotized for a minute. I just remember having this goofy smile on my face and my heart bursting with so much love for this little moment.

At the end of just about every day, I’m exhausted. My schedule is beyond overwhelming. I have moments when I don’t know how I’m going to get through everything, and I miss Alec and my boys more than they can imagine.  But I’m hopeful that the sacrifices I make now will pay off in the long run. I cherish each and every little moment I have with my family because they inspire me and I hope I inspire them.

 

So very blessed.

Happy Birthday, Tucker!

To my four-year-old,

Today is your birthday. I cannot fathom how fast time has flown! I remember every detail of the day you were born - even the commercial that played on the TV over and over and over - during my 19 hours of labor.

What a difference you've made in my life. You made me someone's momma...ok "mom" as you now call me! The world is a different place when you're someone's mom. I have to make it a better place for you. I need to do this. I want to do this.

You deserve nothing but the best in life because that's what you've given me. You challenge me, inspire me, and overwhelm me. You make me proud, crazy, and silly. You've made me the happiest girl in the world, and I'm so lucky to be your mom.

Today you showed me a few things 4-year-olds do: hop on 1 foot, not take naps, and make perfect Ks when writing your name (something that you struggled with right up until today). And this is just the beginning! Think of what amazing things you'll do this next year!

Tucker, you are so amazing and I'm filled with such love and admiration for you. I love how many friends you have and how they all think you are their best friend! I have to say, Buddy, you're one of my best friends too! You are a fantastic big brother and Bubba loves you to pieces! He wants to do everything you do and I can see why. You are an incredible kid!

Thank you for the most fun-filled, exhausting, and crazy four years of my life.

P.S. At bedtime you let me in on one more "what 4-year-olds do" tidbit. You told me 4-year-olds don't go to bed. Hmmm...we'll see about that.

I love you,
Momma

My Bubba is 2!

Happy 2^nd birthday, my sweet Bubba! I have to tell you, I’m just amazed when I look at you and see the little boy you’ve become!  Your smile is absolutely contagious and you say things with such emotion – your personality just shines through!

We had a rough go the first year and about half way through this year, we had to face our biggest challenge as parents so far. You had tubes put in your ears and your adenoids removed. Sweet mercy! I’ve never been so worried in my life! But what a difference it made! I think you are finally the happy boy you were meant to be! Just let that be the last time you make us worry that much!

The best word I can think of to describe you is sweet…an ornery…and a toughie. You have a sweet face and a sly little smile. Sometimes you just hug me and say “Momma” except you say it like “Mmmmommmmaaaa” and it makes my heart leap!

You love to brush your teeth though I suspect you just like to lick the toothpaste off your toothbrush. Just about any time you’re in the bathroom, you want to brush your teeth.  You also like to help unload the dishwasher and put clothes in the washing machine.

On weekend mornings, you like to sit in our laps and have us read books to you – over and over and over. I love that you love books so much! You’re such a smart boy!

And do you ever love your big brother, Tucker! You have become his little shadow! And Tucker loves his little brother too! Watching you guys play and hearing your laughs is the best part of our day!

Bubba, I hope this year is full of new discoveries and lots of laughs and smiles! I hope you love the life we’ve given you because we’re in awe of the love you’ve given us. You made our family perfect and complete.

All my love,

Momma

Ting Ting Ting

My grandma Violet gave me a wind chime a few years ago. I don’t remember the occasion – maybe my birthday or Mother’s Day. The wind chime had a bear on it and wasn’t quite “my style” so I tucked it away somewhere in the garage. I remember the wind chime was moved to different spots in the garage but never on display.

My grandma asked me if I hung up the chime. Yes (lie). Does it go ting ting ting? Yes (lie – how would I know? I never hung it up.).  I hung up the chime when Grandma came to my house for Tucker’s birthday. As soon as she was out the door, the chime came down and back to the garage.

A few months ago, I heard a ting ting ting. Hmmm… So I went outside to find what was making this sound and sure enough, there was the chime hung up on the patio just outside our bedroom window. Alec had cleaned out the garage and came across the chime. He decided it needed to go in its rightful place – on display for all the world to see and hear.

I love that wind chime now. It’s funny how its simple ting ting ting immediately makes me think of my grandma. Sometimes when I’m lying awake at night stressing out and not able to sleep, I’ll hear a little ting ting ting and I know Grandma is there watching over me. A few days ago I realized I hadn’t heard the ting ting ting in a while. I ran outside to make sure the chime hadn’t broken. It was hanging there – just fine. I guess it just wasn’t windy – if you can imagine that in Oklahoma. I gave it a little jiggle to hear the ting ting ting.

Grandma passed away 2 years ago today. I think about her every day and I strive to be her living legacy to Alec and our boys. I hope one day our boys will understand the importance of family and to cherish every gift they receive even if it’s not their style. 

Grandma Violet and a very pregnant Me!

Smiles

I bought a cute journal a few weeks ago that I was going to make my gratitude journal. My plan was to jot down 5 things that I was grateful for each day. I thought this would be a nice way to count my blessings at the end of the day and it would be a nice reference for those days when nothing seems to go right and my head is filled with stress and my heart with worry.

The inside of the journal has yet to see light and there's a nice coating of dust on the outside. So to hold myself a bit more accountable, I thought I'd turn to the information super highway!

I also thought (did you know I'm an over-thinker?) maybe I don't just include things I'm grateful for - what about just simple little things that made me smile each day. After all, aren't the little things that make us smile and warm our hearts the same things we're grateful for? Sure I'm grateful for the big things - my family, my friends, my job, my house, my car....but it's those moments that make me smile that I want to really embrace at the end of each day. Those are the things that add up to the big picture. And I like details. I'm a details  person - I have a hard time seeing the big picture because the details take over - kinda like this blog...and now I'm rambling.

So without further ado - these are the things that made my heart smile today:

Tucker singing "If You're Happy and You Know It" while Thatcher danced and clapped.

Seeing our mama pigeon's little babies all grown up and trying out their flying skills. It seems like just yesterday they were eggs...

Stopping in the middle of our hallway, hugging our boys and saying a prayer for a little girl fighting for her life.

Talking to Alec about insurance and cable - a nice change from the usual conversations about work and kids.

A text from my sister wanting a girls weekend. With me.

These are just a few snippets of my day. Sure I had my fill of pull-my-hair-out crazy moments - like right now the weiner kids are wrestling behind me and I can hardly get my thoughts out- but if I focus on the things that make my heart smile, maybe there will be less stress and worry and more happy.

And Now You're Three!

Dear Tucker-
Your birthday is today - Friday the 13th. When you were born 3 years ago, Grandma Violet said every now and then, your birthday would fall on a Friday - Friday the 13th - and that was okay.

She would've loved the little boy you've become as does every single person who's ever been lucky enough to meet you.

I never knew true love until you came along.  I also never knew how challenging and rewarding it is to be someone's momma. This past year you've certainly tested my patience and my willingness to let you grow up and be more independent.

You make me smile. In the middle of the work day, I'll find myself thinking of you and my face just lights up. All the best times of my day revolve around you - hugging you good morning, kissing you good-bye, hugging hello, story time before bed, kissing goodnight...

You make me want to be a better person. Is that a weird thing to say to a 3-year-old? I'm not sure but I know it's true. I want to be the person you would be proud to call your momma.

You've become such an amazing little boy - so smart and sweet. You've learned so much this past year but I'm most proud of your personality. You've shown so much compassion and love for those around you - your little brother, your dogs, your friends, your family...

I love how many friends you have. All the kids at school know Tucker! I have a feeling you're going to have lots of friends your whole life.

And now as I'm nearing the actual minute you were born (3:48pm) 3 years ago, I can still remember hearing you cry for the first time. I'll never forget that sound. Ever. I thought you sounded like me!

Oh my sweet boy how my heart bursts with love for you. You are one of the best things that has ever happened to me and I thank God he gave you to me. I am so very lucky to have you in my life.

Happy birthday my baby.

Love,
Mommy

And We're Back!

Wow! That was some hiatus! Honestly - I can't seem to find a free second to do much of anything these days.

Because I we like to cram as much as we possibly can into the weekends, Tucker started soccer yesterday. I'm not sure if you call it practice, games, lessons or what but he seemed to like it somewhat. The class he's in (Cottontails) involves the parent too so Alec was the chosen one while I chased a very active Thatcher all around the bleachers.

In Tucker's class, there was one kid who seemed pretty advanced. I'll call him Pele. He was already kicking the ball into the goal and did all of the exercises perfectly. Who is this kid?!? There was also the kid who wouldn't put down his bowl of animal crackers and after about 10 minutes, ended up sitting in the bleachers with his moms for the rest of the time. And there was the one kid whose dad carried him. The. Entire. Time. So Tucker was some where in between Pele, animal cracker kid and overprotective dad kid.

We also planted our garden Saturday. I kept thinking we were getting a late start since Spring began in like January and apparently today Summer started. But actually I think we're a couple of weeks early. The Farmers Almanac says we're past freezing and Ben Franklin's been pretty reliable for quite a while so I was ok planting the garden this weekend.

We planted tomatoes, cucumbers, peppers, jalapenos and beans. Alec thought it would be a good idea to put tomato cages around EVERYTHING since Tucker did step on our one cucumber plant 3 times last year leaving us with no cucumbers for the summer.

That big thing above Thatcher's head is our rosemary from last year. Did you know you can plant rosemary and it will never go away? It's true. It never died and went away. And who am I to put it out of its misery? So...that's our rosemary. And Bubba planning his attack and how to maneuver around the tomato cages.

We also planted some strawberries and I'm working on something fun with my herbs but not sure what yet so they are just sitting on a table anxiously waiting to be part of our little world.

I also finally finished a little crafty project I've been working on. Here's the before:

And the after:

 

I sanded and repainted using milk paint. I've never used it before and felt very Martha-ish...though I'm not sure she's ever used milk paint. Anyway, I wanted something different than a regular ol' TV stand for all our components (DVR, DVD player) so my in-laws had this sweet old dresser and I had Pinterest.

Today our church had a lunch and egg hunt after services. Unbeknownst to us, our boys were also part of the service this morning! We were running late (my bad) and as soon as we dropped them off, they were whisked away with all of the other kids to march through the sanctuary waving palm branches. Needless to say, they were a little freaked out and were carried the entire time. Both of them. And apparently it is not cool to wave at your already freaked out kid as they are being carried by because this makes them cry more. Ugh.

After service, they seemed to be in better moods (whew!) and we had lunch, played games and took a picture with the Easter Bunny (after much coaxing).

I'm not sure why the Easter Bunny thought he was "The Fonz"- maybe he really was cool like that - maybe that's the standard Easter Bunny pose - Who knows?

Tucker also had a good time with his friend Olivia (or Livy as he calls her). Her mom and I made them hug a few times to get some good pictures. Here's one of them:

After the games it was time to hunt eggs. Tucker and Thatcher were in the same age group so that was nice because after Tucker found his allotted 10 eggs, he helped Thatcher find his.

And then we came home and crashed...except Alec who went to the recyclers and the grocery store while I attempted to clean the never ending mess that has become our happy home.

Life is good.

To My Sweet One-Year-Old

Dear sweet baby Thatcher-
You're one year old today! My how time has flown...what's a momma to do when her baby is growing up so fast?

The first few months of your life were tough. Not only was it a nasty, cold winter, but you had cradle cap, eczema and I'm sure a little bit of colic. You cried and cried for hours on end. I cried and cried because I knew you felt miserable...and I felt helpless. All I could do was kiss you and promise things would get better. Every now and then you would smile...and oh baby, when you smiled, the world stopped. It was as if nothing else existed in that moment - just you and happiness.

Eventually the cradle cap and eczema went away and there were a lot less tears and a lot more smiles.

My sweet Bubba, you taught me compassion. I always thought I was a pretty compassionate person, but when I looked in your deep blue eyes and saw nothing but your love and innocence even though you didn't feel well, my heart would almost burst.

I've always felt this bond with you that I can't really explain. I don't know if it's because I was the baby growing up so I know what it's like to play second fiddle or if it's because Daddy had to stay home with Tucker when we were in the hospital so it was just the two of us. But whatever it is, you are my saving grace.

And now when I tickle your belly or kiss your ears and you laugh - that deep belly laugh that has you doubled over - I'm ecstatic that we made it through this first year!

I can't promise life will be easy, but I can promise you the moon and I'll do everything in my power to give it to you.

From one baby to another, I love you!

Love, Momma

My Hero

My grandpa is my hero. There's never been a doubt in my mind. I've never known someone so respected and loved by his family, friends and community. He's a WWII vet so I'm pretty sure he's a hero to many other people too.

Until I married Alec, my grandpa was the one loving and dependable man in my life. I hold him pretty high and haven't really been able to find any faults.

So for my grandpa and everything he's done for me, I'm thankful.

Thank you for teaching me how to bait a hook - though I always preferred to weave on worms than to spear a little minnow.

Thank you for not giving me money when I asked for it after my college trip to Cancun. I never took you for granted again.

Thank you for the countless times you changed the oil in my car and making me drive up those ramp things! I was always so scared!

Thank you for hauling me back and forth to my first job at Sonic when I was 15. I'll never forget listening to your tape recorded fiddle music and Armor Alling the inside of your pick-up.

Thank you for "taking care of" that turtle the last time I went fishing with you. He'll never steal someone else's bait.

Thank you for always answering back when I'd say into the radio "Base to unit 1, come in Carl."

Thank you for letting us grandkids play in your chicken coop.

Thank you for never telling me I was playing in a chicken coop.

Thank you for always having mini candy bars in the fridge and ice cream in the freezer.

Thank you for the endless supply of catfish and pecans.

Thank you for telling me to register to vote and then to actually vote! I think of you every time I do.

Thank you for marrying and loving Grandma for 67+ years. You're the inspiration for my marriage.

Thank you for being proud of me and for believing in me.

My grandpa had a stroke last Monday. He had a stent put in his carotid artery and is slowly recovering.

What do you do when your hero becomes mortal? You thank God for giving you the time you've had and for the faith you have.

On This Day

On this day last year, I was about 200 weeks pregnant - well ok maybe 35. I was worried my days of traveling out of town were numbered. Soon I would be way too pregnant to go anywhere and then I'd have a newborn so we loaded up Tucker and headed to Wynona to visit my family.

On this day,  I saw my grandma as my full of life, young at heart, grandma for the last time. A few days after this visit, she became sick and we lost her in just a couple of weeks.

On this day last year, we first visited my mom and step dad then headed over to my grandparents house. I remember being very impatient and frustrated as an 18-month old Tucker tore through my grandma's kitchen - getting into anything and everything he could! Why wasn't my grandma helping me?!? I obviously couldn't move around very well to chase Tucker and I was getting very flustered. I now realize she wasn't worried. She was only enjoying the joy, mischievousness and orneriness of this sweet little boy - just like his mama at that age and his mama's mama.

That evening, Wynona had their trick-or-treating. We sat on the front porch with Grandma and Grandpa. Grandma gave out little bags of candy that she had made up. She always went above and beyond and made sure something as simple as Halloween candy was a little more special. My grandma knew each kid that jumped up on her porch - no matter how good their Halloween disguise! We sat and laughed and visited and ate candy. When the little bags of candy were gone, she went inside & filled her bowl with a Tootsie Roll mix of candy. And then the orneriness in my grandma came out! While she passed out the off-flavored Tootsie Rolls to the kids, she would hold back the chocolate ones for herself! We even called her out on it and she just laughed. After all, it was her candy to do with what she pleased!

And so now on this day, I'm so thankful for that day and the precious memories I'll always have.

Tucker Joe and his Grandma Violet

Pest-O

Our fall garden is thriving! We planted acorn squash, butternut squash and spaghetti squash. I tried planting pumpkins but after the 3rd failed attempt, I put beans in their place.

Here is a blossom turning into...well some sort of squash! Alec thinks it's butternut, but I'm not ready to identify it just yet.

The vines are all over the place and I'm not sure with which plant the blossoms are associated.

 Our basil is giant and out of control. I was going to harvest it this past weekend and make some pesto to freeze but...I have this little pest:

Here it is with a trapped locust:

My fearless boys are working on a game plan to rid garden of said pest.

So until that happens, the pesto will have to wait. Maybe I'll work on some delicious winter squash recipes!

Silly Little Boys

I sometimes try to remember life before my silly little boys. I honestly can't remember much but I'm sure I had way more time on my hands. I remember meeting friends for happy hour, going out with the girls, long phone calls with Alec, working late, sleeping in....

But now my days are filled with silly little boys asking questions like "Mommy have wiener?" and saying things like "I pee in grass!" Silly little boys splashing like crazy in the bathtub and wanting to be wherever we are. I asked Alec why we have a 2200 square foot house when our silly little boys and 3 crazy dogs want to be on top of us at all times.

I lose my patience and have given up on anything close to a sparkling home, a nice hairstyle, stylish clothes and sleep. But when my silly little boys grin ear to ear at each other and make each other laugh. Who needs anything else in the world?

They are angels, they are little devils, they are monkeys and bean-faced filthy monsters. But they're our silly little boys.

Choosing Our Religion

**Note: This blog is not meant to offend or upset anyone. It's written from a pure though naive heart searching for the reason why we are so blessed. Also, I sometimes just say what ever is on my mind without thinking...so I apologize in advance.

Now that we are parents, we decided it's time to introduce our boys to religion. Neither of us are over the top religious but we do believe there is something greater than ourselves and we have been blessed beyond our comprehension. We weren't comfortable about leaving our boys with complete strangers (church nursery) but now that Tucker has been in daycare for almost a year, we're kinda okay with the idea.

So our search for a church began. At the first church we attended, we went to the contemporary service at a Baptist church. Given my only true recollection of church was the Wynona First Baptist Church, this was a huge awakening for me. The scripture was shown on big screens on the walls. The music was modern and nothing I had ever heard. People were raising their arms and swaying.

When I went to church as a child, the only thing you heard from the congregation was a quiet "Amen". That was it. There was no clapping, no "Hallaluah'ing", not a peep out of anyone. This is what I thought church was. So needless to say, I wasn't comfortable with this church. I don't know if it was the contemporary service or just the church itself. By the time we got home after church service, there was a welcome note with a bag of popcorn and a 2 liter of pop on our doorstep. And as anyone who knows us knows...we're not a pop house. The week following this service, we were called, emailed and mailed information. Overkill. I felt more like a customer than a parishioner. Like they just wanted our business.

Alec grew up Methodist so we decided to try out a Methodist church the following Sunday. We dropped the boys off at the nursery and attended the traditional service. The Methodist do things a little different than this girl is used to but I liked it. So we went again. And again. And again. And now this is my church of choice.

We sing songs I don't know - the ones I do know, I call "Baptist songs": Leaning on the Everlasting Arms, Just As I Am, Up From the Grave He Arose...And although I cry every time we sing one of these songs because they remind me of my grandma, they make me happy and I feel like I belong. We say the Apostle's Creed which I sure was called the Apollo's Creed. And we say the Lord's Prayer (I read from the bulletin because I still don't have it down!). All of these things are new to me, but I like them. We're the youngest people at the particular service we go too. That's okay. I like being surrounded by grandmas and grandpas. It's comforting.

One line of my sorority's creed is "To find the peace and serenity of a Divine faith". As I sit next to Alec in the sanctuary, our boys safely playing with the other kids in the nursery, I can't help but feel peace and serenity wash over me.

We signed up for a Wednesday night parenting class and a dinner-for-8 monthly social event. And now when it's time to walk around and shake hands, we actually step out into the aisle and move up and back a few rows!

The few Sundays when we've played hooky, I felt empty. Like I missed something. Even Tucker would ask if we're going to church. Uh...nothing like a 2 year old calling you out!

Going to church as an adult is completely different than as a child or teenager. I understand the messages. I feel the community and faith of the church around me. As a kid, I was just ready to get over to the cafe and eat my chicken fried steak! During Just As I Am when the preacher asked for "every eye closed and every head bowed" my sister and I would sneak out to get in line at the cafe.

I'm sure our boys will be challenging, but I hope we're instilling in them a good start to their spirituality. I hope they will be grateful for their many blessings. I hope they go above and beyond what's right and wrong and have hearts full of compassion, grace and forgiveness. I hope we give them the knowledge and choice to make good decisions. I hope we are setting a good example for them.

I'm excited to begin this new journey with my family. I think I'm finally at a place to appreciate and understand faith. And I like our church. I feel comfortable and welcomed. I think I'm getting what all the hubbub is about!