My Five-Year-Old

My sweet, Tucker Joe-

I can't believe you turned 5 today. That seems like such a milestone. You're no longer a toddler; you're a kid now. But you know what? I can still see my sweet baby when I look at you. Every once in a while, I can see what you'll look like when you're much older. But more often, I can see you as a baby. You have the same eyes and nose and forehead. And of course your toes - don't even get me started on those! You know which is my favorite toe, don't you? It's the second one from the right on your right foot - the little piggie that had none. I love how it curves in just a little to the left. I noticed that toe on the day you were born and I hoped it would always stay that way. 

You're so smart, Tucker. Your teacher tells me that all the time, but she doesn't have to. I know you are. You constantly amaze me with the things you say. And I love how much you love books and reading. Dad and I read to you before you were ever born and we've read to you just about every night since. 

And you know what? You told your first real joke tonight! You're always saying "I need to tell you a joke" then you make up some crazy joke that Dad and I don't quite get but tonight, you did it! Here's the joke:

You: Knock knock.

Me: Who's there?

You: Boo

Me: Boo who?

You: You don't have to cry, it's just a joke!

I love it! I love that your first real joke was a knock-knock joke (my favorite kind of joke). I have so many more to teach you!

Well Buddy, I hope 5 is all you hoped it would be and more. Ever since you turned 4, all you could talk about was how you couldn't wait to turn 5. I hope you have amazing adventures while you discover the world around you this year. Let's just not be too quick to wish to be 6. 

Thank you for making me a momma and for making me so proud to be yours. 

Love,

Mom

To Three Year Old Thatcher

Dear Bubba-

Today you turned 3 years old! Can you believe it? I can't! Some of my very favorite things about you are:

1. When you say "sit by me", I feel like the luckiest girl in the world. 

2. When we walk and you reach up and say "hold my hand".

3. When, just out of the blue, you tell me you love me. 

4. You copy EVERYTHING Tucker does and says, and I'm pretty sure most of the time you have no idea what you are doing or saying. 

5. When you first realize you're drinking chocolate milk and  you give me the sliest little smile and glance at me before saying "chockit mick".

6. At any mention of nuts or seeds, you immediately point out that you can't have either. 

7. You crawl around on the floor with your cars, trucks, trains - anything you can push around while making an engine sound. 

8. When you climb on top of Tucker and we tell you to get off of your brother, you say " but I love him!".

9. You are all boy - all rowdy, ornery, stinky, silly, sticky, sweet boy. 

10. You're our boy. 

Bubba I can't remember life before you and I don't want to. You will always be our sweet baby boy, and though you may be rough and rowdy, I hope you will always want me to sit by you and to hold your hand. 

Love,

Momma

Mother's Day

Sunday was Mother’s Day and though there was no big extravagant celebration, it was filled with perfect little moments that make me so happy to be a momma. 

My Mother’s Day actually began a couple of months ago when I fell in love with Darius Rucker’s version of “Wagon Wheel.” I told Alec above anything else, I would love for my boys to sing “Wagon Wheel” to me on Mother’s Day. After that night anytime we’d hear “Wagon Wheel” my boys would ask “Is that ‘Wagon Wheel’?” Hmmm…someone has been teaching these boys this song…

On Sunday, we were woken around 6:30 by the sound of little feet shuffling down the hallway. In comes our boys completely bright-eyed and bushytailed. They jumped on the bed and were super snuggly and sweet. Next I heard Mango the lab come into our room. I looked at Alec and asked “Is someone in our house?” I thought he had come up with some elaborate plan to have someone get the boys up and out of their rooms and let the dogs out so all my kiddos would wake me up for Mother’s Day. But that wasn’t the case. Tucker said he woke up because there was just a little bit of sun coming into his room. (Note to self: Install a spotlight with a timer outside TJs window to wake him up on time on school days) And apparently he knows how to open the gate in front of Thatcher’s door and broke him out. The gate in the kitchen must not have been latched all the way so lab Mango made a run for it once she saw the boys walk by. My only good kid, wienerdog Berman, stayed in his bed where he was supposed to be. He’s such a good boy! Regardless of how it all happened, it was a perfect start to my day.

The boys gave me the cards they made at school and some pretty little things they picked up at the jewelry store then it was off to church. I love the peace and serenity of sitting next to Alec in church and the pastoral prayer that morning was all about mommas. I was reminded for the millionth time how very blessed I am.  

After church, Alec’s parents and brothers came over for lunch. I’m not sure what made me think of it, but I thought this was the perfect occasion to use my Grandma’s dishes that I still had stashed away in the garage since I got them in November. I carefully washed each plate and let myself be transported back to a different time and place. My heart was full thinking of my grandma and how I’m a momma now.

After my in-laws had left, Alec had gone to the grocery store and the boys had laid down for naps, I gave myself a Mother’s Day gift of lying down on the couch for a minute. Tucker, finally used to not taking naps, came downstairs a few times to ask random silly questions – just trying to get me to let him stay downstairs. Each time I would answer him and tell him to go back upstairs and be quiet for a little bit. Finally, just when I was about to doze off, I heard Tucker come down the stairs but instead of coming all the way to the bottom, he stopped. Then, in the sweetest little voice in the world, I heard “Rock me momma like a wagon wheel; rock me momma anyway you feel; heeeeyyyy, momma rock me.” Hook. Line. Sinker. I got up, got my boy and we snuggled under my new quilt and watched cartoons until Alec came home.

When it was finally time to go to bed, I read Thatcher his new books that I had picked up at the library. After I read the last book, he ran to give Alec and Tucker goodnight kisses then ran back and jumped in bed. I pulled the covers up and tucked him in and gave him a kiss. He took his little finger and started tracing around my face saying “Momma” over and over. Now anyone who knows Thatcher knows he is a total and complete Daddy’s boy. I have succumbed to this and I’m (somewhat) at peace with this. So in this moment, when it was just my baby boy and me, I was captivated. I may have even been hypnotized for a minute. I just remember having this goofy smile on my face and my heart bursting with so much love for this little moment.

At the end of just about every day, I’m exhausted. My schedule is beyond overwhelming. I have moments when I don’t know how I’m going to get through everything, and I miss Alec and my boys more than they can imagine.  But I’m hopeful that the sacrifices I make now will pay off in the long run. I cherish each and every little moment I have with my family because they inspire me and I hope I inspire them.

 

So very blessed.

Happy Birthday, Tucker!

To my four-year-old,

Today is your birthday. I cannot fathom how fast time has flown! I remember every detail of the day you were born - even the commercial that played on the TV over and over and over - during my 19 hours of labor.

What a difference you've made in my life. You made me someone's momma...ok "mom" as you now call me! The world is a different place when you're someone's mom. I have to make it a better place for you. I need to do this. I want to do this.

You deserve nothing but the best in life because that's what you've given me. You challenge me, inspire me, and overwhelm me. You make me proud, crazy, and silly. You've made me the happiest girl in the world, and I'm so lucky to be your mom.

Today you showed me a few things 4-year-olds do: hop on 1 foot, not take naps, and make perfect Ks when writing your name (something that you struggled with right up until today). And this is just the beginning! Think of what amazing things you'll do this next year!

Tucker, you are so amazing and I'm filled with such love and admiration for you. I love how many friends you have and how they all think you are their best friend! I have to say, Buddy, you're one of my best friends too! You are a fantastic big brother and Bubba loves you to pieces! He wants to do everything you do and I can see why. You are an incredible kid!

Thank you for the most fun-filled, exhausting, and crazy four years of my life.

P.S. At bedtime you let me in on one more "what 4-year-olds do" tidbit. You told me 4-year-olds don't go to bed. Hmmm...we'll see about that.

I love you,
Momma

My Bubba is 2!

Happy 2^nd birthday, my sweet Bubba! I have to tell you, I’m just amazed when I look at you and see the little boy you’ve become!  Your smile is absolutely contagious and you say things with such emotion – your personality just shines through!

We had a rough go the first year and about half way through this year, we had to face our biggest challenge as parents so far. You had tubes put in your ears and your adenoids removed. Sweet mercy! I’ve never been so worried in my life! But what a difference it made! I think you are finally the happy boy you were meant to be! Just let that be the last time you make us worry that much!

The best word I can think of to describe you is sweet…an ornery…and a toughie. You have a sweet face and a sly little smile. Sometimes you just hug me and say “Momma” except you say it like “Mmmmommmmaaaa” and it makes my heart leap!

You love to brush your teeth though I suspect you just like to lick the toothpaste off your toothbrush. Just about any time you’re in the bathroom, you want to brush your teeth.  You also like to help unload the dishwasher and put clothes in the washing machine.

On weekend mornings, you like to sit in our laps and have us read books to you – over and over and over. I love that you love books so much! You’re such a smart boy!

And do you ever love your big brother, Tucker! You have become his little shadow! And Tucker loves his little brother too! Watching you guys play and hearing your laughs is the best part of our day!

Bubba, I hope this year is full of new discoveries and lots of laughs and smiles! I hope you love the life we’ve given you because we’re in awe of the love you’ve given us. You made our family perfect and complete.

All my love,

Momma

Ting Ting Ting

My grandma Violet gave me a wind chime a few years ago. I don’t remember the occasion – maybe my birthday or Mother’s Day. The wind chime had a bear on it and wasn’t quite “my style” so I tucked it away somewhere in the garage. I remember the wind chime was moved to different spots in the garage but never on display.

My grandma asked me if I hung up the chime. Yes (lie). Does it go ting ting ting? Yes (lie – how would I know? I never hung it up.).  I hung up the chime when Grandma came to my house for Tucker’s birthday. As soon as she was out the door, the chime came down and back to the garage.

A few months ago, I heard a ting ting ting. Hmmm… So I went outside to find what was making this sound and sure enough, there was the chime hung up on the patio just outside our bedroom window. Alec had cleaned out the garage and came across the chime. He decided it needed to go in its rightful place – on display for all the world to see and hear.

I love that wind chime now. It’s funny how its simple ting ting ting immediately makes me think of my grandma. Sometimes when I’m lying awake at night stressing out and not able to sleep, I’ll hear a little ting ting ting and I know Grandma is there watching over me. A few days ago I realized I hadn’t heard the ting ting ting in a while. I ran outside to make sure the chime hadn’t broken. It was hanging there – just fine. I guess it just wasn’t windy – if you can imagine that in Oklahoma. I gave it a little jiggle to hear the ting ting ting.

Grandma passed away 2 years ago today. I think about her every day and I strive to be her living legacy to Alec and our boys. I hope one day our boys will understand the importance of family and to cherish every gift they receive even if it’s not their style. 

Grandma Violet and a very pregnant Me!

Smiles

I bought a cute journal a few weeks ago that I was going to make my gratitude journal. My plan was to jot down 5 things that I was grateful for each day. I thought this would be a nice way to count my blessings at the end of the day and it would be a nice reference for those days when nothing seems to go right and my head is filled with stress and my heart with worry.

The inside of the journal has yet to see light and there's a nice coating of dust on the outside. So to hold myself a bit more accountable, I thought I'd turn to the information super highway!

I also thought (did you know I'm an over-thinker?) maybe I don't just include things I'm grateful for - what about just simple little things that made me smile each day. After all, aren't the little things that make us smile and warm our hearts the same things we're grateful for? Sure I'm grateful for the big things - my family, my friends, my job, my house, my car....but it's those moments that make me smile that I want to really embrace at the end of each day. Those are the things that add up to the big picture. And I like details. I'm a details  person - I have a hard time seeing the big picture because the details take over - kinda like this blog...and now I'm rambling.

So without further ado - these are the things that made my heart smile today:

Tucker singing "If You're Happy and You Know It" while Thatcher danced and clapped.

Seeing our mama pigeon's little babies all grown up and trying out their flying skills. It seems like just yesterday they were eggs...

Stopping in the middle of our hallway, hugging our boys and saying a prayer for a little girl fighting for her life.

Talking to Alec about insurance and cable - a nice change from the usual conversations about work and kids.

A text from my sister wanting a girls weekend. With me.

These are just a few snippets of my day. Sure I had my fill of pull-my-hair-out crazy moments - like right now the weiner kids are wrestling behind me and I can hardly get my thoughts out- but if I focus on the things that make my heart smile, maybe there will be less stress and worry and more happy.